


The words we don't say

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [364]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angsty End, Established, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-06-01 16:13:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6527053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Clint says "I love you" for the first time and Phil is not amused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Clint wasn’t the most intelligent conversationalist. He had what people called the ‘Foot in mouth’ syndrome - Natasha thinks he should just learn to think before spoke. 

That’s why even though Clint could talk perfectly well, his most heartfelt sentiments were always spoken in sign language. 

Phil didn’t understand this at first. The first time Clint spoke to him through sign language was when he had to forcibly drag Clint out of the interrogation room where they held Natasha. He’d fought Phil tooth and nail to remain beside her so Phil had try just as hard to convince Fury to let her stay. When Clint found out what Phil did for both of them, he thanked him in the sincerest way he knew how - sign language. 

But of course, Phil didn’t understand what the gesture meant at the time and thought it was just Barton being Barton. After a quick consultation with May, who was luckily with him then, Phil found out what the gesture meant. 

He took it upon himself to learn ASL then - something he should have done a long time ago, it’s a useful skill - to try and find other times Barton used sign language. As it turns out, there were only a few distinct times Barton has used sign language.

He’s said ‘Thank you’ to at least three more agents, ‘Fuck you, you cunt. I hope you die a fiery death’ to Garrett that one time, and a ‘You’re lucky you’re my friend’ after he told Natasha that he hated her that memorable time she almost died. 

It’s adorable, if Phil was being honest with himself, the way Clint’s inner voice comes out through his hands. 

Which was why he really shouldn’t have been surprised that the first time Clint told him he loved him was through sign language. 

Phil just wished it was under better circumstances. 

They were lost somewhere in the Amazon with comms down, no ammo left, chased by poachers. They’ve been through worse. The last time Phil got a hold of Sitwell back in mobile command, they were fifteen minutes out. That was two hours ago. 

Phil really should file something in R&D requesting for better comms when he gets back to HQ. 

So yes, the first time Clint told Phil he loved him, they were lost in the Amazon with their lives in danger. 

That wasn’t the best part though, _oh no_. 

Because Clint was the awesomest person in the world, he chose to get shot in the shoulder by a motherfucking harpoon looking arrow so Phil had to fight off the poachers trying to kill them while simultaneously helping Clint not bleed out. And when all the poachers in their immediate area were either dead or unconscious, Phil bent down next to Clint. 

That’s when the motherfucker decided to say “I love you” like it was his dying words. 

Romantic, isn’t it?

“I wanted to tell you I loved you before I died! Jesus Christ, Phil!” Clint yelled as Phil glared daggers at him. 

“When you want to tell someone you love them for the first time, you don’t do it when you’re about to die!” Phil reasoned.

“When else would I have said it?!”

“I don’t know. WHEN WE’RE NOT IN DANGER, MAYBE?”

“I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE!” Clint threw his hands up in the air. “THAT COULD’VE BEEN THE LAST CHANCE I HAD TO SAY IT!”

“THEN YOU SHOULD’VE SAID IT EARLIER.”

“YOU THINK I WOULDN’T IF I COULD? I DIDN’T KNOW HOW YOU WERE GOING TO REACT. WAS I JUST SUPPOSED TO CASUALLY THROW IT IN WHILE WE WERE IN BRIEFING?”

“IT WOULD’VE BEEN A BETTER ALTERNATIVE.” 

“FINE THEN. I’M SORRY.” Clint relented.

“I’M SORRY TOO.” Phil yelled back, then sighed. He dropped his head on Clint’s good shoulder and breathed in deeply. “You have no idea how scared I was. I thought I was going to lose you.”

Clint reached for Phil’s hand, resting on the cot beside him, and held it. He kissed Phil’s head and whispered, “I’m sorry.” 

“As long as you’re okay.” Phil closed his eyes, suddenly very tired. “And for the record,” Phil shifted his hand, the one Clint was holding, to extend his pinkie, index finger, and thumb out. 

Clint smiled and held Phil’s hand tighter. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> STOP READING NOW IF YOU DONT WANT THE ANGST. LEAVE WITH YOUR FLUFF INTACT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “No.” 

“Clint, please. Just listen to me.” Natasha tried to grab his arm to get his attention, but Clint brushed her off. 

“No. You’re lying. You always do this to me.” Clint gave a hysterical laugh and paced. “You’re always trying to freak me out and then laugh when I do. I’m not gonna fall for it this time.” 

“Clint, I wouldn’t lie about this,” Natasha’s concerned eyes turned icy cold, which only scared Clint even more. “Anything but this.”

“No.” Clint said again, more to himself this time. “You’re all lying to me.”

Thor stepped up before Natasha could tell him the same spiel again. “The son of Coul simply tried to fight a battle he couldn’t win. He tried to win the battle fairly, like the true warrior he is, but he failed to see the lengths my brother would go to claim his prize. He died honorably.”

Clint backed away until his back reached the wall, shaking his head. “Stop please. Just, just call him back and let me see him. I wanna see Phil. I wanna hear his voice. I want to-”

“He’s dead.” The room fell silent as Tony spoke, heads turning towards the resident genius. Steve placed a hand on his shoulder, silently asking him to let this one go, but Tony brushed the hand away. “No, he’s gotta hear this. No roundabouts, no softening the blow.” 

Tony walked around the table and stopped right in front of Clint. “He’s dead. Loki quite literally stabbed him in the back. He managed to stay alive for a few minutes, long enough to tell Fury to his last words, so if you wanna hear what those words were, go find Fury, be my guest, but accept the fact that he’s dead. He’s not coming back and no amount of denial is ever gonna change that. Trust me, I know.” 

Clint was silent for a long time, hanging his head, defeated. Tony was about to walk away when the archer spoke again, soft enough that only Tony heard.

“What?” He asked, turning back to Clint.

Clint looked up at him and smiled, it was the kind that you never wanted to see someone wear, the kind where you know they’re barely holding everything together. “I said you’re wrong. You don’t know Phil like I do, none of you do.” 

“Why? Why is this so hard for you to believe? People die everyday, Barton. With your line of work, the probability is higher. So why can’t you believe that Phil Coulson is dead?”

“Because he told me he loved me.” Clint practically overlapped with Tony’s question. “He told me, right before he left Pegasus, that he loved me. I know it doesn’t mean anything to any of you, but to me, to the both of us, that was a promise. A promise that no matter how tough the mission was, how bloody, beaten, and bruised we were, we’d come back. We’d come back home together and alive,” then, almost a whisper, “he told me he loved me. Why would he say that if he’s not coming back?”

Natasha hugged him, kept his head on her shoulder for so long that the Avengers lost track of time. They all knew there was nothing more they could tell Clint. There was nothing left they could do to help their friend. All they could give him now was time. 

And wasn’t that just ironic, the Earth’s mightiest heroes, powerless. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/145103988751/hey-bitty-boos-i-is-baaaack-d-i-got-caught-in)

**Author's Note:**

> #and then it becomes a thing with them#whenever one goes off on a mission without the other#they always say i love you in sl#to them its like a promise saying#'I'm coming back. I'm definitely coming back.'#and then pegasus happens#and Clint doesn't want to believe that Phil is gone bc#Phil told him he loved him before he left#that meant Phil was gonna come back#Phil isnt dead bc he told Clint he loved him#OHMYGOSH WHATAMIDOING#IM SORRY
> 
> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/142633814436/im-back-d-i-was-so-tired-these-past-few-days)


End file.
